Wednesday, July 15, 2009

What's a Hotpocket?

We kid we kid!!!!

As you may have seen there is a hotpocket option for our meal service. It amazes me that some of you have never experienced this culinary marvel of our grab-and-go society. For those who haven't let me explain ....

A hotpocket is really neither a pocket nor hot but claims to be both. It is a lard-based pastry containing a variety of mystery meat and punched-out vegetable shapes suspended in some kind of genetically enhanced dairy sauce which is then frozen and individually wrapped for consumption many years in the future after it is stored on some freezer shelf at Costco with 67 of its friends.

When one decides that real food just isn't good enough, the consumer unwraps this morsel of modern technology, inserts it into the provided "Crisper Sleeve", which is really just a piece of cardstock with holes in the side that spew out geysers of molten dairy sauce, and nuke it in the microwave for a few minutes. When the bell rings what you find is a mess of split-seam pastry and sauce that now has to be surgically removed from the paper sock it has bonded to. You must be careful though! Only take small bites because the edges are comparable to the surface of the sun and can burn the skin off the roof of your mouth. Just when you get beyond the outer lava ring you will find an equally unpleasant core of solid ice.

Clearly we would not subject you all to such torture. We were devising a plan to actually have the servers bring hotpockets to the tables for the smartasses who selected that option but we don't have any more time to plan it. Either way I hope you are entertained by our little sarcastic joke. I know were are! haha! John and I can never be accused of taking ourselves too seriously. :)

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